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US pilot’s obscene over-the-air rant about the lack of hot flight attendants [audio]
Posted by on Jun 23rd, 2011

If you were suspicious that airline pilots were dodgy bastards (i’m looking at you Iaian) then let this 3 minute audio of a Houston pilot letting rip about the lack of hot flight attendants put your mind at ease.

The Southwest Airline pilot’s cockpit microphone jammed allowing traffic control and every plane within  hundreds of miles to listen to him throw out gems like: “Eleven f**king over the top f**king ,ass f**king homosexuals and a granny.”

Have a listen at the boychay giving it horns.

And if you hard of hearing and couldn’t quite make out what he was saying then here’s the transcript:

“Air Traffic Controller – (ATC) “United 242, you (center up)”

Southwest Pilot: “Well, I had Tucson to Indy all four weeks and, uh, Chicago crews…11 out of 12 …there’s 12 flight attendants, individual, never the same flight attendant twice.

“Eleven f**king over the top f**king, ass f**king  homosexuals and a granny.”

“Eleven. I mean, think of the odds of that. I thought I was in Chicago, which was party-land.”

“After that, it was just a continuous stream of gays and grannies and grandes…”

“Well I don’t give a f**k. I hate 100 percent of their asses.”

“So, six months, I went to the bar three times. In six months, three times.”

“Once with the granny and the f*g and I wish I hadn’t gone.”

“At the very end with two girls, one of them that was part do-able, but we ended up going to the bar and then to the crew at St. Louis, and all these two women wanted to do was, one wanted to berate her sister and the other wanted to bitch about her husband.”

“Literally, for three hours, me and the F.O. (First officer). When that was done, got back to my room, I’m like why the f**k did I stay up?”

ATC: “OK, whoever is, uh, transmitting, better watch what you’re saying.”

Southwest Pilot continues: “They’re still both ……., you know what I mean? I still wouldn’t want anyone to know if I had banged them.”

“So, I mean it was a complete disaster for six months.”

“Now I’m back in Houston, which is easily where the ugliest base is. I mean it’s all these f**king old men and grannies and there’s like maybe a handful of cute chicks.”

ATC: “OK, someone’s got a stuck mic and, uh, telling us all about their endeavors. We don’t need to hear that.”

– transmissions end, other pilots make jokes about the offensive transmission not coming from them –

“Uh, Houston, Skywest 6285, we’re (blah blah) …and that was not us.”

ATC: (Chuckles) “Skywest 6285, Houston Center: Roger, Climb and maintain flight level 360.”

Skywest pilot: “360, Skywest 6285….And they wonder why airline pilots have a bad reputation.”

(ATC blah blah)

(Aircraft answers)

ATC: “Number 7 Hotel Bravo: (blah blah) Final 240.”

Aircraft answers “7 Hotel Bravo…..And it wasn’t us either.”

ATC: ‘Roger, I didn’t think that was you.”


Needless to say the pilot has been suspended without pay and has been made to attend sensitivity training.

Ha..sensitivity training. Sure..and after that he will be very nice to gay and old ugly people right?

Fire his damn ass for good.

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